I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
