I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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