Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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