Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
