My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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