I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
