She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
