Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
