I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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