If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
