she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
