Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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