I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
