they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
