Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
