I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
