..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
