You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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