i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
