Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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