i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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