So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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