we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
