its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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