the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
