My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
