Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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