his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
