I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
