I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
