is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my penis made a compromise with my morals
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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