I can text with my tongue
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is Oprah even human
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
