I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
