it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
