i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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