I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
birth control should be required to get into college
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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