Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
