my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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