So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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