Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
