shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
