the day after is always just damage control
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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