Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
