You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
