And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
