Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just found a bag of teeth...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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