No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
