He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
