You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
