so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
