i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
