I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
