She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
