I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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