woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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