but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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