Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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