Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
