dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
