Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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