whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
