Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
