Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
