the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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