can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
