i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
