do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
