What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
