We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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