I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
