5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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