Quick, to the slutcave!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
