hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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