I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
